Monday, April 18, 2016

Why I Advocate

22 years ago I walked into a speech evaluation with my brown haired, blue eyed three year old boy.  I walked out in a fog of emotions, desperate to erase the words I had just heard. Autism, they said, very casually, Autism. That day, that moment everything changed, and the life I had envisioned for my Billy came to a screeching halt. From that day on, life would never be the same, never. Looking back, I knew Billy's lack of communication was more than just a speech issue...I desperately wanted it to be, but it wasn't.

The "process" was quick and efficient, Billy started special education preschool within the next few weeks and our journey into the world of Autism began. I watched Billy climb on the little yellow bus still grieving the "loss" of my little boy and the uncertainty of what his life would like in the years to come. I grieved a long time for Billy and, selfishly, for myself.  In my mind, I had lost the child I thought I would have. My "plans" died that spring day as we walked out a speech evaluation and we were given a "new normal". I have never really liked this new normal, I don't think I have to like it, I think God "gets that" and it's o.k. What I do know about this journey is I have seen the glory of The Lord as His plans for Billy and our family have unfolded over the years. In those moments when I look back and get a glimpse of all He has done...that is when I am "o.k" with the new normal.


You have multiplied, O LORD my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.
Psalm 40:5

Kindergarten came and Billy received his "official diagnosis" of Autism...there it was, I couldn't deny it, I had to face it and begin to advocate for my little boy. Every step of the way God provided wonderful people who would guide my path and teach me how to advocate for my little boy. Never once did God leave us alone as we walked this new territory, despite the fact I didn't know Him. Thankfully, that would change along the way, too. You can read the entire story Autism and Redemption on a previous blog. He is a good Father, He is faithful to His children...I have lived that truth and am forever grateful to our Father who loves us with an everlasting love.

It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8