Dying to this Life

As I look back over the last seven years of my life I can see the path God has had for me and my family so clearly. Seven years ago, Jesus saved me from myself. From the moment He saved me my life has changed, I'm not the same person, I have been made new. Somedays my mind drifts to my "old life", the way I use to think, see, and hear the world around me. To be totally honest, some days I miss that life. My flesh would love nothing more than to sit down in that same chair four years ago reading Radical and not hear what it was saying, be unreponsive to the words God used to change my direction. But that is my flesh, that is the weakness that remains in me.

At 50 I NEVER thought I would be a mother to 7 children ages 25yrs to 15 months. Four biological, one adopted, and two foster children is the craziness of our life. This is not the life I had planned. I had very different plans. I wanted to be retiring in a few years...going to the beach, enjoying life, all of my children grown and leaving the nest. God in His mercy and love for us revealed other plans...plans that would break my heart and fill my heart. As I look at our "littles" I feel incredibly blessed to be back here. My husband gets to experience childhood for the first time, and I get to experience it with new eyes and, I like to think, more wisdom.

In the moments of my life when I stop to "see it" I am overwhelmed with it's volume and with it's blessing!  I'm exhausted and filled both at the same time! I have been given a beautiful gift to be a wife, a mother, to work in ministry full time at Sweet Sleep, and to serve on the Orphan Sunday Leadership Team. I have been allowed to serve the orphans that have captivated my heart. I didn't seek any of it, and I certainly didn't deserve it, just like our adoption of Joshua, God has put all of it in my path and it has been an incredible journey of faith, heartbreak at times and most of all love.  He has opened my eyes to the vast needs around me and He has compeled me to act.
For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead. James 2:26

I am grateful beyond words to share this journey with my husband and best friend, Steve. This journey God has set us on cannot be done alone, it would never work. This journey is motivated by love for each other and for the One who loves us most, our ultimate purpose is to please Him. Our prayer is that our life reflects the love He has for us.

There is such truth in God's word...to hear, to learn and to live. We can be transformed by it or we can choose to live the life we want, a life lived for ourselves and our desires. There are days when I wish Jesus would come quickly, but then He reminds me there is much work to be done. So we press on...even when it's hard, even when it's messy, even when we would rather just be sitting at the beach.  Thank You Jesus...for salvation....for allowing us to die to ourselves so that one day we will live forever with You.
And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Galatians 5:24

 

Autism and Redemption

Almost 23 years ago I was blessed with a beautiful little boy. I had hopes and dreams for him, just like we all do when we are expecting a child. Billy was my second child he had big blue eyes and I just knew he was going to be an athlete! I suppose many of us have that desire for our baby boys. My plans for him were already set in my mind but God had other plans. When my plans and God's plans collided it was devastating for me because I had nothing to cling to. When I heard the word Autism....life for Billy as I had envisioned it was dead, forever.

I became a believer very late in my life, fall of 2007.  Billy was born in April 18, 1991. As I look back over those years, those extremely difficult years as Billy grew and became less engaged in the world around him, unable to express his needs except through screaming I now see God at work. I didn't see it then I only saw what I thought was judgement and punishment for something I had done, because I had done plenty I was not proud of. Plenty that deserved punishment from our Holy God. But now I know that wasn't from God! God loves us and saves us from the muddy pig pen we call our lives before we are saved. He doesn't punish us...He pursues us in His perfect ways. What I saw as devastation for the life of my little boy was God's plan of redemption for our family. He truly does work all things for our good, even if we don't see it at the time. Sometimes it takes years to actually "see" it.

During the difficult early years I was blessed with people all along the way. From the moment I first heard the word Autism at 3 years old to this very day....I have always had people to lean on and to help me navigate the world of Autism. Billy has always had people that loved him unconditionally even on his most difficult days which continue to have moments of screaming and sometimes uncontrollable tears. I am incredibly grateful for his Drs., teachers, family and friends who have reached out to Billy. Those that have not feared him but loved, supported and encouraged him. Everyone of them is so important to the story of Billy! But one person stands out....because this sweet friend would be the one that God would use to save our family from the "pig-pen" of this world.

The Blessings of Foster Care

It has "officially" begun....we received our approval as a state approved foster home on August 23! From that point on we waited....excited every time our home phone rang. The home phone that is required for a state approved foster homes. But it never rang with the caller id...Department of Child Services. We have anxiously waited for our first placement...knowing full well that it was all in God's perfect timing. He would decide when and He would decide exactly who would become part of our family...if just for a little while.

We didn't receive any calls until the last week of September and that week we received THREE calls. Unfortunately, we had to say no to the first two....that proved to be difficult, more difficult than I had anticipated. Immediately thoughts raced through my mind. Were we supposed to say yes and we didn't? Were we more concerned with our comfort than we should be?  We both wrestled with our decision knowing we had really good reasons to say no...it didn't fit with our family at all. But knowing that really didn't help us feel better about saying no. Our only desire in this journey is to be obedient, to do what God has called us to do for His children and to provide a safe, loving, Jesus filled home to children who desperately need that in their lives. The question lingered in our minds for days.

One late afternoon while I was at work, that same week, my cell phone rang with that same prefix...and I knew it was DCS once again. That was the call we had been waiting for....the one God had just for us. We know that, because we both said Yes, immediately! There was no anxiety, no question....we could do this placement. A few hours later we would welcome two precious little girls into our home. Our journey into foster care began October 2nd. It has been a whirlwind of activity. It has definitely not been easy the last week and a half.  God has had to press on me, once again, that this life is not my own. I gave up the comfort and security of a life lived for me a long time ago. The journey of this new life has been so much better than I could have ever imagined.

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

Journey to Orphan Sunday

Orphan Sunday is November 3....the first Sunday in November every year. 11 years ago in a small church in Zambia  Pastor Billy Chondwe pleaded with his congregation to provide for the orphans in their community which was ravaged by AIDS and poverty. His plea was so passionate that one by one the people came up giving what they could....some giving the shoes off their feet because that was all they had. An American visitor, Gary Schneider, was so moved by Pastor Billy's passionate plea that he began helping other Zambian pastors do the same and eventually brought Orphan Sunday to America. What is so moving about that first Orphan Sunday in Zambia was the response of the people in the congregation that really had nothing to give....but they gave anyway. Isn't that a beautiful picture of sacrificial giving? Isn't that what we are all called to do? Are we not to turn away from this world and give to the needy and provide for orphans and widows?

"learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause." Isaiah 1:17

On Orphan Sunday we are all called to respond to God's call to care for the orphan. There are 42 countries now participating in OS and 145 U.S and 111 International Orphan Sunday Coordinators. All working toward the same purpose to present the opportunity for believers to care for the fatherless. Emails will be sent, Pastor Packets will be delivered and visits will be made by coordinators to churches worldwide as God's "workers" enter the fields for the fatherless.  There are 163 million orphans across the globe and there are an estimated 2.1 billion professing Christians across the globe. That doesn't seem right does it?  Could there really be that many Christians....if so why are there so many orphans when God clearly commands us in scripture to care for orphans?
 
"Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute." Psalm 82:3

Sweet GoodByes....

Two weeks ago Steve and I were blessed to bring a beautiful newborn into our home to love for as long as God would allow us to love her.   I can’t share details of this private placement, I wish I could because there is always beauty in God’s stories.  The most amazing part of this journey is how God equips you for what he has called you to do for Him.  ”God is my helper; the Lord is the sustainer of my life.”  Psalm 54:4  That promise we hold on to because exactly two weeks after bringing this precious baby into our home we received the call that she would be going home. As much as we, in our flesh, would love to hold her and love her forever….His plans are different. His plans are always perfect even if those plans are not our plans….even when it is painful. Our hearts are comforted knowing she will be loved and cared for by her family and by her heavenly Father.  He will watch over her and He will protect her always.  Praying the time we spent with her birthmother has made a difference, praying a seed planted but we may never know.  The story is already written and it isn’t ours to understand only to trust and rest in Him.

“Then I saw all that God has done. No one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all their efforts to search it out, no one can discover its meaning. Even if the wise claim they know, they cannot really comprehend it. Ecclesiastes 8:17

As I packed her clothes Friday evening tears began to roll down my cheeks. As quickly  as she entered our lives she was leaving. I held her tighter and loved her more deeply as she woke up during the night that last night knowing it would be for the last time. As I fed her tears once again began to filled my eyes  as they do now as I attempt to keep writing through tears that are less today than they were the day before. I wasn’t expecting the flood of emotions that I have gone through. I know that many children will enter our door and the inevitable goodbyes will come many, many times.  Our first instinct is to guard our hearts…but what good would we be if we did that? No, the children coming into our family will be loved with our whole heart no matter the cost, just as God has loved us.  He has loved us and saved us at great cost to Himself.  The love we give to others should be no less than the love given to us by our Father.  “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” Romans 5:8  Never did I think that in two short weeks I could fall in love so completely. The heart is amazing and  the ability God has given us to love is truly a gift. “No one has ever seen God. If we love one another, God remains in us and His love is perfected in us.” 1 John 4:12 

The Next Step...

Life has been C.R.A.Z.Y as our journey into fostercare continues!!  My head is still spinning from the flurry of activity that has occured physically and mentally this last week as God, being God, decided to give us our first placement in an unexpected way and an unexpected time....TODAY!  As this new journey begins we are trusting because we know every detail has been worked out by our gracious, loving God who has taken us from our once comfortable "Christian life" and put us on what feels like a roller coaster ride that at times seems to be completely out of control...to us but never to Him.
"In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:6

The most amazing part of this journey into fostercare is how God has accomplished His plan and we have held on for the wild ride, taking one day at a time....complaining the whole way because we didn't feel "our plan" was working out like WE had PLANNED! I really just have to laugh sometimes as I look back over the last 8 weeks and see how GOD has accomplished His plan despite US!  Our PATH classes ended, in April,since then it has been non-stop activity. Our garage is now a bedroom for our 16y/o son. His old room, in the middle of the house, will now be for our future foster kids.  I am grateful for a husband that can do just about anything. He has worked incredibly hard for weeks.  God has given him incredible energy and strength to accomplish all that he has accomplished in a short amount of time.

God has provided every step of the way in this journey.... the glory is all HIS. It certainly hasn't been good planning and organization on our part! As the room neared completion last week we received the call from DCS to begin our homestudy! Praise the Lord...just what we had been waiting for! AND we received another call, the unexpected one which would begin our journey unexpectedly....only God!! In one week I was able to complete ALL homestudy paperwork for DCS because, of course, I did none of it until I knew they were coming! We also had to update our homestudy for our adoption agency!  It's only possible by the grace of God because when you are walking in obedience God prepares a way for you. He provides everything you need just when you need it. Not sooner...not later...His perfect timing we can count on! Why in our flesh don't we just "get that"? Why don't we just rest in Him...He is faithful until the very end!
 If you do whatever I command you and walk in obedience to me and do what is right in my eyes by obeying my decrees and commands, as David my servant did, I will be with you. I will build you a dynasty as enduring as the one I built for David and will give Israel to you. 1 Kings 11:38

Our "dynasty" awaits us. The life we thought we had planned is now a distant memory. And the life God has planned for our remaining days on this earth is just beginning. To be a light in the darkness for children and families that can't see a way out of their circumstances.. that is our life now. Praying that somehow they can see Jesus in us as we love them and their children.
In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. Matthew 5:16

As our journey begins we trust...because we KNOW God has gone before us in everything that is coming our way. He will provide for us every step of the way. He will protect and prepare our hearts as we encounter what is unknown to us. We are forever grateful He has given us hearts to love others more than we love our "stuff" and this life. The roller coaster is so much better! :)
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." 2 Corinthians 5:17

Blessings...

When we say "Yes"

A few years ago I stepped way out of my comfort zone and said Yes to whatever God had for me beyond my comfortable, cozy life. It wasn't easy...easy would be staying home, watching TV and enjoying the complacency of  my life. Deep down I knew, as a Christian, my life was supposed to be less about me and much, much more about my Father and His business. After all He didn't leave me here to sit back and just enjoy life....no He left all of us here for much more than that.

"If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him."John 12:26

As I stepped out of my comfort zone I prayed and asked God to use me and to break my heart for what breaks His. Little did I know as I prayed that specific prayer, life as I knew it would begin to change forever. Slowly, God would change everything and show me that a life lived for Him is so much better than the life I had been living for myself. God is funny the way He works in our lives...ever so slowly He just begins to give us more and more and more. Then before you even realize it your life is completely different and more full than you could have ever imagined you had time for.  It is amazing to look back on all He has done and see EVERYTHING changed and NOTHING changed!

This new life is so much better filled with unimaginable JOY. Even though the road to JOY has difficulties...God in his mercy and grace laces it with moments of pure joy the difficulties almost disappear. As God is stretching us and molding us into the people He wants us to be, it is painful at times, it's uncomfortable at times but in the end it is so worth all of it...knowing all you do is for His glory. Knowing this makes letting go of "the life YOU had planned" so much sweeter...because you can SEE and now actually FEEL the life He has had planned for you all along.

"You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands" Isaiah 55:12