If you have read my previous posts you would know how our involvement of inner-city ministry would lead to adoption for our family. God then used adoption to open my eyes to the vast global orphan crisis. Every day I learn more of what God expects of all of us in caring for the fatherless. And every day I learn more and more about what my Father expects of me and how I fall short especially when I get so busy focusing on MY PLAN instead of stopping to listen to what He is telling me. Maybe because it has been my experience when I really listen it's scary and hard, it's never easy. It means I have to give something up...like my time...my money...my vacation...my life...whatever it is I think is mine. When in reality nothing is mine.
Before our adoption of Joshua was final I felt God pressing on us to adopt again. In my mind I didn't want Joshua to grow up alone....his siblings are older 23, 21, 19, and 16. So the feeling to adopt again fit perfectly into the plan I thought God had for our family. So I began to go forward with MY plan as soon as Joshua's adoption was final. I went from international adoption to then feeling like we were supposed to adopt domestically. I contacted our social worker and began the process of another homestudy...I also looked into foster care classes...maybe we could adopt from foster care? So I signed us up for our PATH classes (foster care classes). We were well on our way with MY PLAN...or so I thought.
The days leading up to our PATH classes (Parents as Tender Healers) God really began whispering to me..."is this about what YOU want or is this about what I want?" "Is this about YOU or is this about MY CHILDREN?" As I stopped and listened to His whispers I knew He was right. I also knew that He was calling us into something hard, something scary, something I had been resisting to do for months. Foster parenting would mean much less time...and a very different life but I also know this life isn't mine anyway.
"For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." Matthew 16:25.
We have been left here for a reason and I know it isn't to enjoy the comforts of this world. I know that whatever we have to "give up" is worth it because it means we are able to step into the life of a child and love them right where they are, and remind them they are special and they matter to us and more importantly they matter to God.
In December our birth mom found herself in a place where she couldn't take care of her children (longer story). We took the 2 two boys into our home. Christmas was CRAZY at our house!! It was exhausting...it was difficult...and it was worth it. And I would do it again...and again...and again. They were with us for three weeks. The day they went home was one of the most difficult days...EVER. I cried as I packed their bags...cried all the way to daycare and cried all the way home. I knew they were not going to stay with us forever...but deep in my heart I wanted them to.
I look back now and I SEE everything the Lord was doing so clearly. Has it totally prepared me for a journey into foster care? Absolutely not....but I have a little better understanding of where my heart has to be. And I have a better understanding and empathy of where birth parents are coming from after dealing with our birth mother. We are anxiously, nervously entering our new journey....we may or may not be blessed with another adoption but our hearts are full, knowing we are right where our Father wants us. Isaiah 48:10 says "Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction."
So we go into this season trusting in the One who has gone before us, who has prepared a way for us. We know it isn't going to be an easy journey....but definitely a journey worth taking. Knowing that all we do is ultimately for our good and HIS GLORY.
Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders which You have done, And Your thoughts toward us; There is none to compare with You. If I would declare and speak of them, They would be too numerous to count. Psalm 40:5
God has weaved a beautiful story for our family. We have been blessed far more than we ever deserved. We are grateful for all He has done! And I know full well that the best laid plans by me will never compare to the plans of the Lord! To think it all started with one 147 million t-shirt! :)
Blessings...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete