Autism and Redemption

Almost 23 years ago I was blessed with a beautiful little boy. I had hopes and dreams for him, just like we all do when we are expecting a child. Billy was my second child he had big blue eyes and I just knew he was going to be an athlete! I suppose many of us have that desire for our baby boys. My plans for him were already set in my mind but God had other plans. When my plans and God's plans collided it was devastating for me because I had nothing to cling to. When I heard the word Autism....life for Billy as I had envisioned it was dead, forever.

I became a believer very late in my life, fall of 2007.  Billy was born in April 18, 1991. As I look back over those years, those extremely difficult years as Billy grew and became less engaged in the world around him, unable to express his needs except through screaming I now see God at work. I didn't see it then I only saw what I thought was judgement and punishment for something I had done, because I had done plenty I was not proud of. Plenty that deserved punishment from our Holy God. But now I know that wasn't from God! God loves us and saves us from the muddy pig pen we call our lives before we are saved. He doesn't punish us...He pursues us in His perfect ways. What I saw as devastation for the life of my little boy was God's plan of redemption for our family. He truly does work all things for our good, even if we don't see it at the time. Sometimes it takes years to actually "see" it.

During the difficult early years I was blessed with people all along the way. From the moment I first heard the word Autism at 3 years old to this very day....I have always had people to lean on and to help me navigate the world of Autism. Billy has always had people that loved him unconditionally even on his most difficult days which continue to have moments of screaming and sometimes uncontrollable tears. I am incredibly grateful for his Drs., teachers, family and friends who have reached out to Billy. Those that have not feared him but loved, supported and encouraged him. Everyone of them is so important to the story of Billy! But one person stands out....because this sweet friend would be the one that God would use to save our family from the "pig-pen" of this world.

The Blessings of Foster Care

It has "officially" begun....we received our approval as a state approved foster home on August 23! From that point on we waited....excited every time our home phone rang. The home phone that is required for a state approved foster homes. But it never rang with the caller id...Department of Child Services. We have anxiously waited for our first placement...knowing full well that it was all in God's perfect timing. He would decide when and He would decide exactly who would become part of our family...if just for a little while.

We didn't receive any calls until the last week of September and that week we received THREE calls. Unfortunately, we had to say no to the first two....that proved to be difficult, more difficult than I had anticipated. Immediately thoughts raced through my mind. Were we supposed to say yes and we didn't? Were we more concerned with our comfort than we should be?  We both wrestled with our decision knowing we had really good reasons to say no...it didn't fit with our family at all. But knowing that really didn't help us feel better about saying no. Our only desire in this journey is to be obedient, to do what God has called us to do for His children and to provide a safe, loving, Jesus filled home to children who desperately need that in their lives. The question lingered in our minds for days.

One late afternoon while I was at work, that same week, my cell phone rang with that same prefix...and I knew it was DCS once again. That was the call we had been waiting for....the one God had just for us. We know that, because we both said Yes, immediately! There was no anxiety, no question....we could do this placement. A few hours later we would welcome two precious little girls into our home. Our journey into foster care began October 2nd. It has been a whirlwind of activity. It has definitely not been easy the last week and a half.  God has had to press on me, once again, that this life is not my own. I gave up the comfort and security of a life lived for me a long time ago. The journey of this new life has been so much better than I could have ever imagined.

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

Journey to Orphan Sunday

Orphan Sunday is November 3....the first Sunday in November every year. 11 years ago in a small church in Zambia  Pastor Billy Chondwe pleaded with his congregation to provide for the orphans in their community which was ravaged by AIDS and poverty. His plea was so passionate that one by one the people came up giving what they could....some giving the shoes off their feet because that was all they had. An American visitor, Gary Schneider, was so moved by Pastor Billy's passionate plea that he began helping other Zambian pastors do the same and eventually brought Orphan Sunday to America. What is so moving about that first Orphan Sunday in Zambia was the response of the people in the congregation that really had nothing to give....but they gave anyway. Isn't that a beautiful picture of sacrificial giving? Isn't that what we are all called to do? Are we not to turn away from this world and give to the needy and provide for orphans and widows?

"learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause." Isaiah 1:17

On Orphan Sunday we are all called to respond to God's call to care for the orphan. There are 42 countries now participating in OS and 145 U.S and 111 International Orphan Sunday Coordinators. All working toward the same purpose to present the opportunity for believers to care for the fatherless. Emails will be sent, Pastor Packets will be delivered and visits will be made by coordinators to churches worldwide as God's "workers" enter the fields for the fatherless.  There are 163 million orphans across the globe and there are an estimated 2.1 billion professing Christians across the globe. That doesn't seem right does it?  Could there really be that many Christians....if so why are there so many orphans when God clearly commands us in scripture to care for orphans?
 
"Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute." Psalm 82:3

Sweet GoodByes....

Two weeks ago Steve and I were blessed to bring a beautiful newborn into our home to love for as long as God would allow us to love her.   I can’t share details of this private placement, I wish I could because there is always beauty in God’s stories.  The most amazing part of this journey is how God equips you for what he has called you to do for Him.  ”God is my helper; the Lord is the sustainer of my life.”  Psalm 54:4  That promise we hold on to because exactly two weeks after bringing this precious baby into our home we received the call that she would be going home. As much as we, in our flesh, would love to hold her and love her forever….His plans are different. His plans are always perfect even if those plans are not our plans….even when it is painful. Our hearts are comforted knowing she will be loved and cared for by her family and by her heavenly Father.  He will watch over her and He will protect her always.  Praying the time we spent with her birthmother has made a difference, praying a seed planted but we may never know.  The story is already written and it isn’t ours to understand only to trust and rest in Him.

“Then I saw all that God has done. No one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all their efforts to search it out, no one can discover its meaning. Even if the wise claim they know, they cannot really comprehend it. Ecclesiastes 8:17

As I packed her clothes Friday evening tears began to roll down my cheeks. As quickly  as she entered our lives she was leaving. I held her tighter and loved her more deeply as she woke up during the night that last night knowing it would be for the last time. As I fed her tears once again began to filled my eyes  as they do now as I attempt to keep writing through tears that are less today than they were the day before. I wasn’t expecting the flood of emotions that I have gone through. I know that many children will enter our door and the inevitable goodbyes will come many, many times.  Our first instinct is to guard our hearts…but what good would we be if we did that? No, the children coming into our family will be loved with our whole heart no matter the cost, just as God has loved us.  He has loved us and saved us at great cost to Himself.  The love we give to others should be no less than the love given to us by our Father.  “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” Romans 5:8  Never did I think that in two short weeks I could fall in love so completely. The heart is amazing and  the ability God has given us to love is truly a gift. “No one has ever seen God. If we love one another, God remains in us and His love is perfected in us.” 1 John 4:12 

The Next Step...

Life has been C.R.A.Z.Y as our journey into fostercare continues!!  My head is still spinning from the flurry of activity that has occured physically and mentally this last week as God, being God, decided to give us our first placement in an unexpected way and an unexpected time....TODAY!  As this new journey begins we are trusting because we know every detail has been worked out by our gracious, loving God who has taken us from our once comfortable "Christian life" and put us on what feels like a roller coaster ride that at times seems to be completely out of control...to us but never to Him.
"In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:6

The most amazing part of this journey into fostercare is how God has accomplished His plan and we have held on for the wild ride, taking one day at a time....complaining the whole way because we didn't feel "our plan" was working out like WE had PLANNED! I really just have to laugh sometimes as I look back over the last 8 weeks and see how GOD has accomplished His plan despite US!  Our PATH classes ended, in April,since then it has been non-stop activity. Our garage is now a bedroom for our 16y/o son. His old room, in the middle of the house, will now be for our future foster kids.  I am grateful for a husband that can do just about anything. He has worked incredibly hard for weeks.  God has given him incredible energy and strength to accomplish all that he has accomplished in a short amount of time.

God has provided every step of the way in this journey.... the glory is all HIS. It certainly hasn't been good planning and organization on our part! As the room neared completion last week we received the call from DCS to begin our homestudy! Praise the Lord...just what we had been waiting for! AND we received another call, the unexpected one which would begin our journey unexpectedly....only God!! In one week I was able to complete ALL homestudy paperwork for DCS because, of course, I did none of it until I knew they were coming! We also had to update our homestudy for our adoption agency!  It's only possible by the grace of God because when you are walking in obedience God prepares a way for you. He provides everything you need just when you need it. Not sooner...not later...His perfect timing we can count on! Why in our flesh don't we just "get that"? Why don't we just rest in Him...He is faithful until the very end!
 If you do whatever I command you and walk in obedience to me and do what is right in my eyes by obeying my decrees and commands, as David my servant did, I will be with you. I will build you a dynasty as enduring as the one I built for David and will give Israel to you. 1 Kings 11:38

Our "dynasty" awaits us. The life we thought we had planned is now a distant memory. And the life God has planned for our remaining days on this earth is just beginning. To be a light in the darkness for children and families that can't see a way out of their circumstances.. that is our life now. Praying that somehow they can see Jesus in us as we love them and their children.
In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. Matthew 5:16

As our journey begins we trust...because we KNOW God has gone before us in everything that is coming our way. He will provide for us every step of the way. He will protect and prepare our hearts as we encounter what is unknown to us. We are forever grateful He has given us hearts to love others more than we love our "stuff" and this life. The roller coaster is so much better! :)
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." 2 Corinthians 5:17

Blessings...

When we say "Yes"

A few years ago I stepped way out of my comfort zone and said Yes to whatever God had for me beyond my comfortable, cozy life. It wasn't easy...easy would be staying home, watching TV and enjoying the complacency of  my life. Deep down I knew, as a Christian, my life was supposed to be less about me and much, much more about my Father and His business. After all He didn't leave me here to sit back and just enjoy life....no He left all of us here for much more than that.

"If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him."John 12:26

As I stepped out of my comfort zone I prayed and asked God to use me and to break my heart for what breaks His. Little did I know as I prayed that specific prayer, life as I knew it would begin to change forever. Slowly, God would change everything and show me that a life lived for Him is so much better than the life I had been living for myself. God is funny the way He works in our lives...ever so slowly He just begins to give us more and more and more. Then before you even realize it your life is completely different and more full than you could have ever imagined you had time for.  It is amazing to look back on all He has done and see EVERYTHING changed and NOTHING changed!

This new life is so much better filled with unimaginable JOY. Even though the road to JOY has difficulties...God in his mercy and grace laces it with moments of pure joy the difficulties almost disappear. As God is stretching us and molding us into the people He wants us to be, it is painful at times, it's uncomfortable at times but in the end it is so worth all of it...knowing all you do is for His glory. Knowing this makes letting go of "the life YOU had planned" so much sweeter...because you can SEE and now actually FEEL the life He has had planned for you all along.

"You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands" Isaiah 55:12

Our Journey into Foster Care

A few nights ago we sat in our PATH classes and listened to the horrors of children in foster care.  How and why they end up in custody. Never, never is it their fault, although they think it is.  Survival behaviors....that is how they function when they come into foster care. They are fighting to survive even as young as 4 or 5 years old. Once again my eyes are being opened in a new way as to how broken world is. How did this happen...why did this happen to children in our own country? It's days like this that I long for Jesus to come back....to make all things new. So the children and babies in our own country and countries all around the world will know the love of their heavenly Father. The day when there will be no more abuse of any kind, no more nights with no food, no more nights not knowing where they will sleep, no more fear, no more days living without a mommy or a daddy, no more days of despair, and no more survival behaviors because they will know LOVE, finally when Jesus comes back.

Until that day we are left here....to do His work for the fatherless. Steve and I both KNOW even though we might want to run the other direction because this is sad...this is scary and this journey is full of unknowns, we have been called down this road. As we sit learning how "treat" the sexually abused child we both wonder how can we take care of these broken children?  Maybe this really isn't what God would have us do, but we know that isn't truth because we know the truth... "So it is a sin for the person who knows to do what is good and doesn't do it" James 4:17.  Once again God has opened our eyes to something ugly...something we don't want to see...something we don't want to have invade our thoughts all day, every day. But it's too late....now we know and now we must act because if we don't who will?

My Plans

Almost 3 years ago God began opening my eyes to the orphan crisis.  I "wore the t-shirt" never thinking I would actually "step into" the world of adoption...orphan care...foster care etc.  I was happy to wear the t-shirt in hopes of raising awareness.  I had no idea what God had in mind....I had no idea that my life would soon be changed forever.

If you have read my previous posts you would know how our involvement of inner-city ministry would lead to adoption for our family. God then used adoption to open my eyes to the vast global orphan crisis.  Every day I learn more of what God expects of all of us in caring for the fatherless. And every day I learn more and more about what my Father expects of me and how I fall short especially when I get so busy focusing on MY PLAN instead of stopping to listen to what He is telling me. Maybe because it has been my experience when I really listen it's scary and hard, it's never easy.  It means I have to give something up...like my time...my money...my vacation...my life...whatever it is I think is mine. When in reality nothing is mine.
Before our adoption of Joshua was final I felt God pressing on us to adopt again. In my mind I didn't want Joshua to grow up alone....his siblings are older 23, 21, 19, and 16. So the feeling to adopt again fit perfectly into the plan I thought God had for our family.  So I began to go forward with MY plan as soon as Joshua's adoption was final.  I went from international adoption to then feeling like we were supposed to adopt domestically. I contacted our social worker and began the process of another homestudy...I also looked into foster care classes...maybe we could adopt from foster care? So I signed us up for our PATH classes (foster care classes). We were well on our way with MY PLAN...or so I thought.

Camp: A Movie Review

 I had the opportunity to preview the movie coming out this spring "Camp".  It is a movie about giving hope and healing to foster children in the United States by sending them to camp for 1 week every summer. This movie is based on true events from Royal Family Kids Camp. Royal Family Kids is a 501(c)(3) non-profit which is the nations leading network of camps for abused, neglected and abandoned children. They encourage churches to sponsor camps for children in need in their own communities.

The "Littles"

The last couple of weeks I have been in a melancholy mood as my mind drifts over the last year. I glance behind me and look at Joshua and somedays cannot believe all that God has done in our lives over the last year.  He not only gave us this beautiful little gift of Joshua but he placed  a family in our life that we would be connected to forever. The story God weaved for us is more than just about our adoption, it is about the three beautiful "littles" that remain with their Mama. About the three "littles" that will be in my heart forever.

I love these three faces! I love the days I get to see them and spend moments with them I hug them tight as I can and whisper in their ears...I love you. I pray that when life gets hard maybe they will remember those whispers. I pray that God will step into their lives and whisper to all of them "I love you...I am with you" and they will recognize that voice and turn to Him. I long for that day for them and for their Mama.
 

The journey...

Joshua's birthday is in just a few days....He will ONE! I remember my children's first birthdays....all joy...presents..family...and a baby full of cake!  It isn't really going to be different as Joshua turns 1 except my mind will zoom back to "this time last year" as it has so often the last couple of weeks.  I look into my beautiful baby's deep brown eyes and God reminds me of the journey He set us on 1 year ago.  Joshua is beautiful, perfect, a blessing straight from Heaven. God in His mercy has given us PURE JOY as He placed Joshua in our family. And it was by God's grace that He allowed Joshua to be our child....because we were not always sure Joshua would be allowed to stay....forever.

Radically changed...forever

 This is my first attempt at blogging....the first time to share with those interested the story of "our family". God in his infinite wisdom and mercy began changing our family two and a half years ago.  Opening our eyes to His ways...His desires and as He did our lives were radically altered. He continues to change us and grow us every single day. For that, I am eternally grateful to our Father for reminding me daily of his promise..."For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord." Isaiah 55:8.