Radically changed...forever

 This is my first attempt at blogging....the first time to share with those interested the story of "our family". God in his infinite wisdom and mercy began changing our family two and a half years ago.  Opening our eyes to His ways...His desires and as He did our lives were radically altered. He continues to change us and grow us every single day. For that, I am eternally grateful to our Father for reminding me daily of his promise..."For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord." Isaiah 55:8.


You see my ways went kind of like this....wonderful husband, Steve (second husband-LONGER story), 4 wonderful children, great job, great friends, involved at the church I loved after becoming a Christian in 2007, and served AT church.  We would watch 4 children growing up...beginning to move in their own directions and then my husband and I would enjoy "our time". Time together...time to "enjoy life". Hmmmm
what does that mean exactly?? "Our time, our life?"  Although during this time I began feeling what I thought was empty nest syndrome.  We still had teenagers at home but they were slowly spending more and more time away, leaving me many nights at home, alone, as Steve was coaching football which required time away from home.

Steve had never had children of "his own". Although he loved and enjoyed his new step-children. We pondered adoption...but both decided it really wasn't an option for us. And like many people rationalized the idea away for lots of reasons.  We prayed about it leaving it all up to God....if HE wanted us to adopt HE would drop it in our laps.  Never believing that a scenario like that would EVER happen, I mean really HOW could HE do that??  So I decided I would nip those sad feelings of my babies growing up...and step out of my comfort zone and serve at Franklin Heights. Franklin Heights is a low income, housing project in Murfreesboro. I would be providing childcare while parents took a GED class.

Our time at Franklin Heights would change my heart...change the way I see the world and everyone and everything in it.  I would meet a young woman who I will refer to as Jane. She had 2 children and 1 "on the way". I had been asked to pray about mentoring a young woman at FH, so I  prayed and every time I prayed I saw Jane's face. Every single time. So I knew...I knew God was pressing on me that He did want me to mentor, and He was showing me just who it was that He would have me come alongside.  So I did....we did. I never did this alone...Steve was right there with me, encouraging me, guiding me, standing in the gap with me.

Months would pass...a child was born...and everytime I saw this young girl my heart ached for her and I fell in love with those babies, now there were 3. My thoughts were filled with these 3 children...when she stopped coming to GED I longed to see her and the children, knowing her life was "complicated". But...I continued to pray...continued to try to stay "connected" to a young woman that was difficult to connect to. Because to Him she mattered...and to me she began to matter even though I really didn't know much about her.  It wasn't up to me anymore...this was all up to God and the direction He was leading me. So I pressed on even though I was rarely seeing her and GED classes would soon be ending, she had stopped coming soon after the baby was born.

One day in June, a couple of months after last seeing Jane, I decided to knock on her door. That day would prove to be very significant. One week later she would be gone from Franklin Heights.  God, in His perfect timing, began the story that would change everything that day....I held her 3 month old at the playground and watched her then 1 year old and 3 year old playing on the playground and it felt perfect, my heart was full....I was right where He wanted me and there was no turning back.

So much would happen in the months to follow...Jane would be evicted from FH just a week after we exchanged phone numbers and land in a terrible house, it was all she could afford at the time.  The details of her situation really are not necessary....because we have all been there to varying degrees, we are all sinners, but by the grace of God don't stay there. We continued to be a light in the darkness of her circumstances, helping as much as we could. Helping Jane find hope in difficult circumstances. Well we thought we were helping...until one day...God opened my eyes once again to truth only as HE can.  As I put milk in her refrigerator bugs began to scramble from under the refrigerator, I had seen bugs on the walls before but not like this. As I walked out the door I was terribly convicted...how can I keep my eyes closed to that and call myself a Christian? How can I leave her THERE and just deliver milk? How can you...walk away and do nothing! That is what God whispered to me that day. Matthew 22:29 says "Love your neighbor as yourself". And God quickly reminded me of these things....do you have a nice house, plenty of money in the bank, plenty of food...plenty of eveything that I have GIVEN TO YOU?  God tells us much will be required of everyone who has been given much. And much more will be expected of the one who has been entrusted with more. Luke 12:48.  At that moment I knew...our lives ours...nothing is ours, everything has been given to us, by God's grace and mercy we are blessed, not to keep what we have been given but to GIVE for His glory. And so we did....

By the end of September 2011 Jane and the children would be moved into a duplex and it would be fully furnished by friends with HUGE hearts. After we found Jane and the kids a duplex to move into the day came to move them in..sign papers etc.  She called me frantic and in pain that afternoon. She asked me to come get the children because she was having her cousin take her to the hospital.  I got there right before the ambulance...I heard her cousin talking on the phone answering EMS questions...Jane was crying with pain. I then heard her cousin say "she is pregnant".....WHAT??!! Many thoughts began flooding my mind at the point...questions...but this was no time to get questions answered. I felt betrayed, lied to all the feelings the flesh feels at times like these. This was going to be a problem...that is what my flesh thought.  BUT GOD...had a plan...and if only I could have trusted immediately. Instead...I drove home with 3 children...3y/o, 18 months, and 8 months crying the whole way. After Jane was stabilized she called, checked on the children and then asked me one very important life changing question. "Will you adopt my baby."

"He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it." Matthew 10:39. Two and a half years ago we lost our life....and 2 and a half years ago we found it.  January 20th 2012 our precious baby was born...we were in the delivery room with Jane...and we celebrated and grieved our situation. We had been given a beautiful baby out of the ashes of Jane's difficult circumstances. That day she made the most unselfish, most difficult decision a mother can make. She delivered her baby...and immediately, after holding him just a moment, she handed him to me. We love our birthmother....with all of her flaws, all of her bad decisions that continue to this day. "We love because He first loved us." 1John 4:19. I have flaws, I have made bad decisions and my Savior has loved me anyway, so why would I not do the same for Jane? "We do not have the same details to our lives, and some lives contain horrors we cannot fathom. But there is something in the human spirit-the desire to matter, to be seen, to have someone believe in us-that resonates in all of us." Naomi Zacharias.  Jane matters to God...Jane matters to me...we believe in her...and we pray for her, we pray the Jesus will step into her life and save her. And in His perfect timing I believe He will.

So today....as I look outside on this gloomy, rainy day I am grateful! Grateful...Jesus allowed me to look back and SEE God weaving a beautiful story. There have been many days that I couldn't "see" the beauty in what He was doing...but today I can through the rain, the clouds, the gloominess of days I see Hope...I KNOW that our Amazing God makes beautiful things out of the dust of our lives.

All for His Glory,
Roberta