The journey...

Joshua's birthday is in just a few days....He will ONE! I remember my children's first birthdays....all joy...presents..family...and a baby full of cake!  It isn't really going to be different as Joshua turns 1 except my mind will zoom back to "this time last year" as it has so often the last couple of weeks.  I look into my beautiful baby's deep brown eyes and God reminds me of the journey He set us on 1 year ago.  Joshua is beautiful, perfect, a blessing straight from Heaven. God in His mercy has given us PURE JOY as He placed Joshua in our family. And it was by God's grace that He allowed Joshua to be our child....because we were not always sure Joshua would be allowed to stay....forever.


  Joshua's adoption became final on November 26th, 2012! That day we thought we would celebrate....but it was just one more time I heard our lawyer say..."now he has 30 days to respond". Another waiting period....we had many waiting periods since Joshua was born. Many days we were tempted to worry endlessly if we truly didn't believe what God has always promised us..."And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28  That verse HAD to be in our hearts...God works all things for OUR GOOD and for HIS GLORY. ALL THINGS!  You see....Joshua's birthfather was not so willing to allow someone else to raise his child, even though he was in no position to raise Joshua himself.

I have seen how difficult it is to give your child up. I was with our birthmother every step of the way. And even though she knows where Joshua is and that he is loved it doesn't take away the sadness that lingers as she to looks toward his birthday when all of those feelings will come flooding back to her.  I can remember the day our birthmom went into labor like it was yesterday and that means so can she.
Birthfathers are a little different....I am guessing...I don't really know because we never met our birthfather....only through our lawyer do we get a glimpse into him. Unfortunately...he like our birthmother is more likely than not a victim of his circumstances, a victim of growing up in a fatherless home like so many others. Are they still responsible for their actions...absolutely....do we condemn them forever for that? Absolutely not! I think Jesus shows us we love them anyway. "But God showed his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" Romans 5:8  

Without sharing every detail of our situation with our birthfather I will just say this....he did the only thing he could....he fought by being complacent, by not signing...by not responding...for as long as he could.  With all of those actions or lack of action on his part "waiting periods" ensued for us. 90 days....60 days....30 days...etc.  It was agonizing...it was, probably, the most difficult journey God has put me on. I had to grow....I had to decide if I really believed what I really believed.

Habakkuk 3:17-18:
Though the fig tree should not blossom
And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail
And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold
And there be no cattle in the stalls,
Yet I will exult in the Lord,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.

Would we rejoice only if Joshua was allowed to remain in our family? Would we rejoice and cling to Jesus if He told us Joshua would have to go to his birthfather?  Where did our hope lie....in Jesus or in the life we had planned with Joshua as our child? Did we really believe what we said we believed...is our hope in God alone? God constantly reminded me that we had a life before Joshua....and if we had to...we would go back to that life. After all this was His life, not our life. No matter what happened....it was for our good...it was for Joshua's good and most importantly for God's glory.

Oh how I wrestled with that for months...it wasn't easy. But we knew...deep down in our hearts we knew that if Joshua's birthfather fought for him....then we would have to relent and allow our precious baby to go....but it didn't mean we would like it. I don't think God expected our journey to be easy...but He expected us to trust in Him every step of the way.

The day Joshua's adoption became final...we were thrilled, and saddened at the same time. I remember sitting in court and the judge calling out "is "K" here or anyone here for him"? The room was silent...tears began to roll down my eyes...still do as I write this because I wanted someone to be there for "K". After all this time and all the waiting periods and all of his defiance I wanted someone to be there if not "K" certainly someone cared.  "K" is another young man growing up in a fatherless home. It isn't his fault that he can't raise Joshua. It is our fault...it is mine and yours because we haven't taken care of the children in our community and the world the way God tells
 us to....because if we did adoption wouldn't be necessary.  ALL children should be raised with love, because they deserve it no matter where they live. And all children will be raised to love others when they see love, not just from parents but from everyone they come in contact with. 
We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19
There are 163 million children growing up without the love of a family....when will we rise up as a church and say "we won't put up with this anymore"? When will we step into the lives of hurting, broken people and show them love? When will we do what God has done for us? When will we stop spending our money on things that don't matter and start spending it on things that do matter....like people dying because they are starving and they have no water to drink. When?? 

People often ask me "how will it look when Joshua gets older"? I rest in the fact that I don't have to worry about that. I have a Father that already has a plan and so does Joshua. He knows every detail of our lives. I don't have to think about how life will "look" because I trust in the One that already knows. He has worked out everything for our good.

Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Matthew 6:26

For His Glory,
Roberta