Monday, December 16, 2013

Autism and Redemption

Almost 23 years ago I was blessed with a beautiful little boy. I had hopes and dreams for him, just like we all do when we are expecting a child. Billy was my second child he had big blue eyes and I just knew he was going to be an athlete! I suppose many of us have that desire for our baby boys. My plans for him were already set in my mind but God had other plans. When my plans and God's plans collided it was devastating for me because I had nothing to cling to. When I heard the word Autism....life for Billy as I had envisioned it was dead, forever.

I became a believer very late in my life, fall of 2007.  Billy was born in April 18, 1991. As I look back over those years, those extremely difficult years as Billy grew and became less engaged in the world around him, unable to express his needs except through screaming I now see God at work. I didn't see it then I only saw what I thought was judgement and punishment for something I had done, because I had done plenty I was not proud of. Plenty that deserved punishment from our Holy God. But now I know that wasn't from God! God loves us and saves us from the muddy pig pen we call our lives before we are saved. He doesn't punish us...He pursues us in His perfect ways. What I saw as devastation for the life of my little boy was God's plan of redemption for our family. He truly does work all things for our good, even if we don't see it at the time. Sometimes it takes years to actually "see" it.

During the difficult early years I was blessed with people all along the way. From the moment I first heard the word Autism at 3 years old to this very day....I have always had people to lean on and to help me navigate the world of Autism. Billy has always had people that loved him unconditionally even on his most difficult days which continue to have moments of screaming and sometimes uncontrollable tears. I am incredibly grateful for his Drs., teachers, family and friends who have reached out to Billy. Those that have not feared him but loved, supported and encouraged him. Everyone of them is so important to the story of Billy! But one person stands out....because this sweet friend would be the one that God would use to save our family from the "pig-pen" of this world.



Heather became Billy's tutor in the third grade. We had just moved to Tennessee from Nevada a few months before.  God brought Heather to us....she would become so much more than a tutor for Billy. She would teach him so much more than reading and math....she would begin to teach Billy about God and plant seeds into him first, and then into me. She would not give up, she kept inviting me to a Bible study. I would resist as long as possible and then decide to go because I liked Heather and she did have an amazing peace about her. I liked that and I wanted to have that kind of peace too, finally, I went. That  is when God began His work in me. Not only did God work in me but in the heart of our family. Life as we knew it was over...God has done amazing things in this family and I am forever thankful for His grace and mercy!

God used Autism to redeem a family. I have to remind myself of that on difficult days like today. God is always working....always faithful and He will take care of Billy better than I am ever able to do. I look over the last year as he has struggled and KNOW God is telling me something, something I just don't want to see because I want to "fix it" for Billy. God is telling me to let go......to trust Him with Billy. I am believing the pressing on my heart and the exhaustion of my body is for a reason. It is FOR Billy so he can thrive in a new environment away from his mother, just a little. :)  So today a "group home" conversation will begin. Instead of leaning on me for every single thing, Billy needs to learn to lean on God. To grow apart from me just like all children do as they become adults. I always thought Billy would just be with us forever, maybe that was selfish. As a mother I felt like I needed to protect him.  I can't protect his heart but HE can and HE will. I am trusting that!  I am also trusting that, as always, God is going to direct us to the perfect group home. I am completely believing and trusting in that today.

Thank you to all my beautiful friends for your beautiful hearts for Billy. Thank you for answering your phone, returning text messages, allowing him to work alongside of you, including him, making him feel special and most importantly teaching him about Jesus! All of you have made a huge impact on his life and mine. WE are grateful God did not leave us alone in this Autism journey. We are thankful He brought all of you along with us!!


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